


Perceptions of Perfection

by Veale



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Marauders' Era, Narcissism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 12:18:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5290442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veale/pseuds/Veale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius knows.</p>
<p>Of course he knows.</p>
<p>He knows how when he walks into a room everybody automatically looks at him. Like they can’t believe Sirius Black is generous enough to grace them with his presence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perceptions of Perfection

 

Sirius knows.

Of course he knows.

He knows how when he walks into a room everybody automatically looks at him. Like they can’t believe Sirius Black is generous enough to grace them with his presence.

He knew even when he was a child, attending pure-blood parties where the most respected and powerful names - that could, and had, corrupt an entire Ministry single handed - attended, but were unable to restrain themselves from watching a seven year old saunter into the room, a knowing smirk masking his visage, distracting them from their hors d’oeuvre and suggestions of ethnic cleansing barely disguised as politics.

His mother despises him, resents him for it. She once had that power, but now it was lost, lost to a child. Her child. It pains her to see it wasted on a child that won’t use it the way she wants.

Yes, he knew of his invisible, yet obvious power. The power to affect people in different ways, but nevertheless the effect was still always there.

It was how he knew James was the only person worthy to be considered an equal to him. How he knew that James would look at him because he had thought up a new prank or that he had figured out a different way to woo Lily. It’s what drew them together. How James would look, not because he had to, like everyone else; but because he wanted to.

How Lily would look every time, but also scowl. Because she knew who he was, and knew that everybody else was mad for thinking Sirius Black was worthy of their undivided attention just for existing. That was what engendered him to encourage James to continue his pursuit. Because he respected her for being different, yet still conforming.

How Snape would look, filled with rage at the boy who had everything he had ever wanted but threw it away as if he was too good for it. It was the reason he provoked the boy, to see how he could destroy someone because he was happy where Snape was not.

But the intent of the look was similar on most.

How everybody was in awe and admiration of who he was, as if Sirius Black was an abstract concept, the embodiment of art and poetry without needing a canvas or reader, and not just another human not dissimilar to themselves. So often mixed with lustful looks entertaining the absurd notion that they could be the one, and only one, able to tame Sirius Black.

That was what he saw from Peter. Not the lust of course, even Peter wasn’t thick enough to realise he hadn’t a chance. But the admiration, how he would look at Sirius every time he spoke even if he wasn’t involved in the conversation, and always took a moment before replying, in the rare occasion he was involved, as if he had to contemplate how best to praise Sirius. Sirius would be lying if he said he didn’t like the constant stream of compliments. It was actually why he tolerates the otherwise bland boy.

But one boy, only one, was able to resist the attraction. Not feel the same pull that everyone else felt. And Sirius is shocked, quite literally gasps, entering the boys first year dormitories having just been sorted, where he again captured everybody's attention, to see this occur for the first time. As Sirius enters, and the boy he remembers as Lupin just keeps unpacking, not staring, not even glancing. Sirius finds that he likes this. In fact he craves to feel it again, and when it does reoccur, it doesn't appease him. He thirsts for more, lapping at the feeling like a dehydrated dog would drink from an opaque puddle.

Even when he learns of this boy’s secret and how his lack-of-looking is most likely a defence mechanism intrinsic to minimise any attention he receives. Sirius often laughs at the irony of this. Yet it doesn't deter him, he remains steadfast, enraptured in this unique being he has discovered and how this boy is capable of dragging Sirius from his pedestal without even knowing he was doing it, creating a power imbalance without even recognising what power exists.

So when he finds himself without Remus’ attention and constant wit after a prank, - that, conceding, may have crossed a line - it scares him. How he lost the one thing in his life that he craves almost as much as oxygen. And even more than conspiring grins with James before a prank unveils itself.

So he does the thing that seems most natural to him. Something that he is sure will get the other boy’s attention, whilst rewarding himself, because of course that’s important too.

He kisses Remus.

And then apologises, for the first time in his life. But then he's back to kissing. And, oh, why hadn’t he thought of this before, because Remus’ mouth is like magic, the kind of magic that can’t be learnt in a classroom or read in a book. Like raw magic that doesn’t require wand nor waving, but can initiate trances synonymous to the Imperius curse. Or allow him to tolerate torture from the Cruciatus, if only so he is able to kiss Remus once more before descending serenely into insanity.

And he finds that he doesn't even care when his family left him to fend for himself, because how could they ever think he would choose them over having James and Remus in his life, and now because of it, James and Remus’ presence only increases. And it’s better than the time he saw his cousin Bellatrix punch the Minister for Magic because he was no longer listening to her, so distracted by Sirius.

He realises he would do anything for them. The only two people unaffected by his charms. And he finds that he doesn’t mind his power doesn't work around them as it does on others.

As long as they pay attention to him one way or another.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is, but you're welcome to tell me (or rant at me if that's your deal) [here.](http://vealos.tumblr.com) Plus, if you made it to the end you gotta let me know. I don't make the rules, in fact I don't even know them, but I'm pretty sure that's one of them...
> 
> Also, this was written between 12-2am so if there are any typos you could probably still blame it on my lack of English proficiency but now you can't hold me accountable :)


End file.
